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Monday, August 25, 2003 |
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| I'm getting fat!!
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I'm getting fat!! I'm getting a little punch that's showing through my tshirt a little. I always said that if it's one thing in my life is that I would never get a paunch at all!! But after three months or so of not doing any sort of physical activity it's starting to show. I've always prided myself in having a flat stomach and a "five-pack". (The bottom two merged into one.) Yesterday though I walked like 5 miles to go see my mom. There was no transport so I decided to walk. I realised just how out of shape I am. Just a couple years ago I could've made that without having difficulty in breathing.
I've moved into my new room in my southern abode after having to clean it and make it habitable again. No dust. No breathing problems. A little more privacy. My own wardrobe. The only problem is that I can hear everytime the toilet flushes, and that ain't cool.
UWI doesn't have the same problems for registration this year as they did last year thankfully. The banks have long lines though. The loans department on campus was booked for the entire day today too. See you all Friday... |
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4:02 pm |
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Wednesday, August 20, 2003 |
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| Ah reach back...
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Ah reach back...albeit for a few hours. Somehow I didn't miss the internet all that much, probably because I mostly kept occupied. I think I forgot to mention that Saturday my family was supposed to have a little gathering around a barbecue pit. I had to be wary that my sister made no mention of all that transpired previuosly infront everyone; that would've been highly embarrassing. I heard though that she was telling everyone in secret. That means she was really upset. I even had to travel to south in pouring rain. By just after lunch it had all passed though. So I weathered that storm.
And on Sunday I rested...
I spent the last two days though cleaning my previously uninhabitable room. Really, it was that bad. And I have a slight problem with dust, so you could imagine how that was. Now the room's about 98% dust-free and I hope to move in by weekend. I need to start bringing my stuff back down south. I have absolutely NOTHING here. If something fell on me while I was in south, I would have nothing to change into. It's that bad. No new wildlife to report though.
I came up north today to speak to Miranda online and to get some stuff done for school. Registration going on; thank god it's not anything like last year or I would've just died. Oh, I was supposed to mention this in my last post but somehow it slipped my mind. I realised that a noticeable percentage of the young women there were wearing the "wrong" underwear, if you know what I mean. They wore the correct pants, but the wrong underpants. South girls let me down man.
Till next week... |
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1:47 pm |
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Friday, August 15, 2003 |
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| Withdrawal
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Well if you've not heard, I'm going to be out of contact for the next two weeks. No telephone. No internet. No internet. Oh yeah, and no internet. Just how the hell did this happen? Well remember I blogged recently about the rest of my vacation not being exactly stress-free cus my family are yet to find out about my spectacular academic record for this year? Well the sister I'm staying with has found out that I DID have my result slip for weeks now and she's really upset -- not with the fact that I did badly, but with the fact that I hid it from her. So she's shipped my ass back home so she can have a breather from me. So that's why.
Now on to other news. I went Club Platinum for the first time Wednesday night. They had free drinks -- including Smirnoff Ice B4 12 -- all night. They got rave reviews from me for sure. I could definitely say it's one of the better clubs in Trinidad. They've got a VIP section and a big stage. It's a big club but not big and empty. I did notice one thing that night: There were none of the really HOTT girls like there are in north Trinidad clubs. Maybe it's different on the weekends. And it's a good crowd too.
Today I'm wearing blue Nike track-pants cus the jeans I always wear is still all smoky from Wednesday night since I didn't wash them yet. It's the first time I entered the school compound with anything but jeans on. They aren't looking bad. The pants are nice and they feel comfortable.
Well that being said, miss me while I'm gone. Hopefully I might get in a couple entries over the next two weeks to let you know what's going on. I'll leave with some adult homour. Laterz.
A young man asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?"
The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm.
In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After sixty, they are like onions."
"Onions?"
"Yes, looking at them makes you cry."
A young woman asks her mother, "Mom, how many kind of penises are there?"
The mother, surprised, answers, "Well, daughter, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, a man's penis is like an oak, mighty and hard.
In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.
After his sixties, it is like a Christmas tree."
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yes, dried up and the balls are there for decoration only." |
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4:55 pm |
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| Congrats Frank and Ria
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Congratulations on your announcement Ria and Frank. Hmmm...all that denial eh, and see where you all ended up? In each other's arms, or wherever LOL. Sorry Ria. I know you couldn't resist all of Frank's um, "attractions" so to speak. Heheheh.
I've realised that this blog has taken to dissing women and how men relate to them recently, so we'll continue in this vein. If you're having some trouble "chatting-up" women, here are some great comebacks to them dissing our obviuosly well-thought-out pick-up lines:
Man - Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman - Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man - Really? I heard it was because everyone there calls you a fat slut.
Man - Is this seat empty?
Woman - Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man - There's no need to get on your knees and suck on my cock just yet, we've only just met!!!
Man - Your place or mine?
Woman - Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man - That's cool, cause after I'm done shagging you in the back of my car, I don't give a shit where you go.
Man - So, what do you do for a living?
Woman - I'm a female impersonator.
Man - That explains the moustache then!
Man - How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman - Unfertilised.
Man - No problem, I'll just shoot my load up your arse.
Man - I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman - But would you stay there?
Man - Probably, cause you seem like the kind of chick that is impossible to shake off once you've been shagged.
Man - You're pretty
Woman - Piss off.
Man - Don't interrupt, you're pretty ugly, you fat bitch. |
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2:51 pm |
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Tuesday, August 12, 2003 |
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| I hate TSTT
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For the foreigners, TSTT is our lone telephone service provider in this beautiful twin-island banana republic. They've recently started providing a GSM cellphone service and, because of the impending competition in the cellphone market I presume, now have drastically reduced costs for the GSM-enabled phones which they sell. But FUCK THEM!!
They can take their phones and stick it where the sun don't shine!! For far too long they've plundered the pockets of the citizens of this country and treated us with utter disrespect. Their workers are lazy and are some of the highest paid of any state enterprise in the country. And they're still protesting for higher wages!!
I will wait for competition to arrive. I don't care how long it takes, how shitty the service is, or how expensive it is: TSTT is not getting any of my money anytime soon. I will take cable internet too. All that just to spite them. Seems like I've been burned in the past huh... |
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2:52 pm |
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Monday, August 11, 2003 |
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| Wildlife
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I was kept up for most of the night last night because I slept yesterday evening, and partly because my neighbours in my southern abode have two peacocks that kept making noise for no apparent reason all night!! So that got me to thinking about some of the quite interesting wildlife I've seen over the years.
So besides the peacocks, yesterday in my house I saw a huge spider spanning the size of my hand eating a cockroach. Earlier in the afternoon though I saw a squirrel in the coconut tree in my backyard as well as parakeets building a nest inside of a metal post in the front yard. There was also a new type of wasp building a nest in the mango tree. And I haven't even started talking about the locals...
When I went to Suriname, we passed through Guyana and took a ferry across this HUGE river called the Corantyne River, separating both countries. This river is like a mile or something across cus it had to take us at least twenty minutes to cross. There's no bridge joining both sides. While we were going through immigration on the Guyanese border I saw this grasshopper that was about three inches in length and I "persuaded" it into crawling onto my hand. I ended up walking through the entire compound, getting on the ferry and crossing the river with the thing on my hand with everyone looking at me like I was some sort of loonie. I let it go on the Suriname side though. I hope I didn't upset the delicate eco-system of the rainforest there by releasing a Guyanese grasshopper in Suriname.
But nothing can beat my time in St. Vincent, where I acquired the name "Centipede Dundee" for killing all the creatures that were there. They came in all sizes: little blue-backed babies to some six-inch mofo's. And keeping a smiling face while at it. |
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5:19 pm |
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Friday, August 08, 2003 |
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| The Man's Rules
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We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. You can handle it. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like your periods. Let it be. Again, we don't complain...do we?
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for more than 3 days is a serious problem for BOTH of us... See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.
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4:51 pm |
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Thursday, August 07, 2003 |
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| I feel for him...
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See if you can spot the difference between these two statements:
(a) "Those trousers make your backside look fat."
(b) "You're a repellently obese old hag upon whom I am compelled to heap insults and derision - depressingly far removed from the, 'stupid, squeaky, pocket-sized English women,' who make up my vast catalogue of former lovers and to whom I might as well return right now as I hate everything about you."
Maybe the acoustics were really bad in the dining room, or something.
Things this guy and his girlfriend have argued about. |
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6:07 pm |
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| Laterz Stef
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I think I've finally gotten a taste of what you feel everytime you have to leave Trinidad Stef. You know what I mean, but not just in physical terms. You miss having that someone around for comfort all the time; the smell of their hair; even the cross-eyed looks when they're angry with you for no apparent reason. You miss the warmth, I guess. And you miss them so much because you know that they're your future. Gorm, I'm really starting to sound just like you!! :-)
Thanks for the new ppl intro's. See you 'round Christmas. It was nice. *bonx* |
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4:39 pm |
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Wednesday, August 06, 2003 |
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| The policeman
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Here's a joke:
There was a wealthy middle-aged man who bought a brand new Benz convertible SLK. He took off down the road, flooring it up to 80 mph and he enjoyed the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head. "This is great," he thought, and floored it some more. He looked in his rear view mirror and there was a marked police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blasting. "I can get away from him with no problem," thought the man, and he floored it some more and flew down the road at over 120-mph. Then he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing," and pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the Police to catch up with him.
The Police pulled in behind the Benz and walked up to the man. "Sir," he said looking at his watch, "My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday the 13th. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding, that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The man looked back at the officer and said, "Last week my wife ran off with a policeman, and I thought you were bringing her back."
The police man said, "Have a nice day." |
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5:18 pm |
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| Today's drama
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It's really, really hot!! Are we really in the rainy season?? It's like over 30 degrees outside. I didn't have class today. After I threatened the kids last Monday that if they're not on time, don't bother showing up, they decided not to show up.
I've been going to sleep early and getting up early these last few days. Like waking at 6 o' clock early. I haven't even been looking at Dawson's Creek cus they restarted the whole series from the beginning and I don't really wanna look at the first season for a fourth time, no matter how much I like the show.
I've been reading alot of ppl's blogs lately and leaving little comments so i guess that's a part of the reason my page views are going up. Besides, plugging it in the Trini.com chatroom of course. I'm trying to get the daily average up to a whole 5. LOL. And I'm going to learn some proper CSS so that I no longer have to use tables as a layout scheme. I can't believe it's August already. Two months of what was supposed to be my vacation has already gone. I only have one month left which isn't going to be that stress-free cus this is when my family will find out about my spectacular academic successes over the last year. And I'll have to go get my student loan renewed, so that's some more drama. |
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5:10 pm |
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Monday, August 04, 2003 |
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| Disclaimer
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This disclaimer has to be one of the most hilarious things I ever read on the internet, yet it's still kinda serious.
So my kids were just downright terrible today. Throwing things. Shouting across the classroom. I saw another accident on the highway today. What is my sweet T&T really coming to? Weekend was dull as usual. I had another wonderful healthy-meal day. Had Snickers for lunch and cheese-paste and a potato pie for what the English refer to as tea. Not an unusual fare for me these days. Deception is starting to creep up on me LOL. My sis will soon find out what I've really been doing for the past 3 years here.
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7:14 pm |
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Friday, August 01, 2003 |
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| Top Ten Resume Blunders
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Top Ten Resume Blunders
1. "Revolved customer problems and inquiries." Just what every employer is looking for -- an expert in passing the buck.
2. "Consistently tanked as top sales producer for new accounts." Sales managers aren't likely to be impressed with this self-proclaimed underachiever.
3. "Dramatically increased exiting account base, achieving new company record." If customer accounts were leaving in droves as this statement implies, it's probably fair to assume that this candidate also tanked as a top sales producer.
4. "Planned new corporate facility at $3 million over budget." Every hiring manager is searching for employees who exceed budgets by millions of dollars.
5. "Directed $25 million anal shipping and receiving operations." Either this person is showcasing compulsively stubborn management qualities, or he has a challenging product packaging/storage problem.
6. "Participated in the foamation of a new telecommunications company." This job seeker was also in charge of bubble control.
7. "Promoted to district manger to oversee 37 retail storefronts." This is a common resume typo. There must be literally thousands of mangers looking for jobs in today's modern world. Here's a tip: Use your word-processing program's find/replace feature to quickly correct this common mistake. You can also modify your application's spelling dictionary so it won't recognize the word "manger."
8. "Experienced supervisor, defective with both rookies and seasoned professionals." Many of us have had a boss like this at some point in our careers, but you usually don't find them being so up-front about their leadership inadequacies.
9. "I am seeking a salary commiserate with my training and experience." There are a couple problems with this statement. To begin with, salary requirements don't belong on a resume. Secondly, a salary should be "commensurate" with experience (meaning proportionate to), not "commiserate" with (meaning to express sympathy for).
10. "Seeking a party-time position with potential for advancement." Sounds like a fun job.
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1:44 pm |
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| Emancipation day
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Didn't I say that Man Utd were gonna rip open Juventus?? They hammerred them 4-1!! Ruud scored a real beauty too. Tonight was a night I was really feeling to go out. Long weekend. Everybody else is too but I have to stay home. Old fart.
Here' a joke:
A young couple, just married were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As Emma undressed for bed, the husband tossed his pants to his bride and said, "Here put these on."
She said "What?"
He said "Put these on."
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your pants", she said.
"That's right!" said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it.
I'm the man who wears the pants in the family!"
With that, she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."
He tried them on, and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecap. He said "Hell, I can't get into your panties."
She said, "That's right and that's the way its going to be until your attitude changes!" |
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12:00 am |
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